Chapter Eleven

Give Back To Everyone You Can

Nothing will give you more joy than giving. Giving can mean giving time or energy or simply lending an ear and listening. For the sake of this chapter, however, we’re talking about giving in a way that leans into money. We’re talking about earning and how it affects the people around you.

       I’ve said this before in this book—I believe that if you can work, you should work. I think I’ll be able to work for many more years, but at some point, that could change. You never know when you might not be able to work anymore due to illness or an accident, so get to work now and start earning. When I hire people, I like to make sure they’re making enough money to live appropriately. If I have people working for me who aren’t making enough money to pay their bills, they’ll be focused on surviving and trying to figure out how to pay their bills instead of their work. People have to make a proper living wage and then some. So that’s certainly where I start with my giving.

       When I talk about giving money, that’s exactly what I mean. It’s giving the money, not loaning the money. I have given tens of thousands of dollars away over the years, and I never ask for it back. That’s the fastest way to lose a relationship. If you don’t have the money to give, that’s okay. Don’t give it. When I give, I never think about that money again. Sometimes, distant relatives or friends have come to me in a time of need. I might give money to my kids or help somebody pay their mortgage. I’m giving to them and lifting them up, but I’m also giving myself joy. It brings me happiness to be able to gift that money to them.

       When I was a young adult and starting my business, I was hoping to buy my first house, which required a 20 percent down payment. My first home cost $124,000, so that down payment would cost me $24,800. I had the money for the down payment, but I had also accumulated $10,000 in credit card debt in my brief time as an adult, and that credit card debt was getting in the way of my qualifying for the house. I had to ask my grandmother for help. She gave me the money to pay off those credit cards, which helped me get my first home. I remember having to ask my grandmother for that money. I wasn’t proud of that. It was a lot of money for her. I felt lucky she was there to help me but disappointed in myself for mishandling my credit cards. It was a lesson about debt I’ll never forget.

       My father always wanted to give me money and tried to help me many, many times over the years. He would always ask if I needed any “help,” as he called it, meaning money. He’d pull a $100 bill from his pocket and try to push it into my hand. He was always trying to help my brothers and me.

       I will tell this story for the benefit of my two brothers, Bill and Steve, although I don’t think Dad would have wanted it told. Later in his life, Dad told me that it gave him a lot of joy to be able to give money to his children. He confided in me that his father had given him a quarter in his lifetime—and he had done that to get him to go away. As my brothers know, Dad’s father, George, was a transient figure in his life and would show up periodically to see his mother, Ruth, whom we affectionately call Nanny. George had come to the park to see Nanny, and in an effort to speak to Nanny alone, George gave my father twenty-five cents to go away and get some ice cream. It hurt my father to tell me that story, and as I write this, I find myself deeply saddened all over again for a man who could not have been a better husband and father to us all.

       We are only talking about giving money, which is short sighted because giving time is often more valuable than money. But I’m sure by now, you understand why I have limited this chapter to the money part of giving, and that is because you are already giving your time to the people who are most important to you. I know you are listening to their challenges without judging them or giving them advice on how to correct things. You are just listening, and that means so much more.

       If there is one thing I would do better as the kids were growing up, and still now, it would be to give back to them more in listening. My wife, Kim, is an exceptional person and a great example of how I can do better at this. She will often provide valuable feedback on how I might have done better with my listening skills, and although it may not always seem like it to her, I listen and hope to apply her advice more often so I can be more like her. I give time to my kids because they are my priority, and I love them. I don’t know that I always give them my ear, but I aspire to. I aspire to lift them up and give back to them more than just financially, but I’m still learning and growing. I can still do better.

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